When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize