how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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