upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
