Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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