it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
