Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This house was built for laser tag.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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