Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
