I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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