i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize