that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
