wat bout pragnant strippers??
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
