it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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