I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
