Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
