please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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