I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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