Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
