Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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