i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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