just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
