i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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