Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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