Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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