Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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