i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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