he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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