yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
