I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
