turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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