That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
