Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
