he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
