oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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