he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
