So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
