honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
