fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am naked and annoyed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
