I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
