I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
