i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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