Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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