dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
