im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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