Sober January is a disaster.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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