I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
