She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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