he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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