hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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