so that wasnt chicken after all
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
