I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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