dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
