Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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