Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize