I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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