Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
