There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
