oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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