you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
