I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
