i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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