This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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