Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
