Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
