You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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