White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
