My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
