I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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