The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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