Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
