med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize