I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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