can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize