If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize