if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
