He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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