I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
