By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
