Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
