Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize