New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
