I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
