You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
