my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
