final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
