So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
