doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
