so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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