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we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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