the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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