are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Still dying that you shit outside
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
