you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
