Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
