I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
