I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
