If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize