still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
