he looks like a really good dad on facebook
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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