Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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