so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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