dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
