Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
