Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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